Interesting Thought...

It's very interesting, no matter what the call is, I do not feel any kind of emotion.
I can empathize without a problem, because if you're calling me, yeah, your life probable sucks right now. I describe my job as "being the infuriatingly calm voice on the other end of the phone during your worst moments." Or something like that, but it's true.
One great friend of mine says that he can always hear my emotions in my voice. He's the only one though, even Diesel Bear can't always pick up my mood accurately when we are on the phone together.
Early on I learned that the officers depend on their dispatcher to remain calm no matter what. If they hear us excited, they get excited. Whatever the call is, I have to be able to think clearly and quickly and do whatever it takes to get the best possible help to my caller. I have to be able to give my responding units the best possible picture of what they are going to have on scene so they can start preparing mentally while en route and even before they go inside a residence.

Lately there has been so much going on emotionally in my personal life, I realized that because of work, I don't let my emotions out very often. It's insane. At least I know that I'm not alone, it happens with most first responders, you can't cry at a death scene because it isn't professional, so you don't. I can't scream at a stupid caller so I don't, but I may be mad and vent about it later. Maybe that's why it is difficult for women to be married to officers. The officer has so much compartmentalized, there is so much they don't want to share or just repress and can't share. Not to mention that would be seen as vulnerable and not macho to our silly culture, so they don't always let their emotions out.

It just struck me the other day that there was only 3 or 4 people that I told things to besides Bear. Most people don't understand because they don't know. I was reading through an e-mail that I had saved from when I first started, I was asking an old friend to help me be a good dispatcher, and I was so full of hope and wonder. My emotions were all over the page. This is about as open as I get anymore since I lost my old friend.

Interesting.